Saturday, 22 October 2011

Like, Ohmigod, it's Gordon Freeman!

As my reader (As I'm reasonably sure that I only have one, unless someone actually finds my rants appealing) may have guessed by the title, I've been playing Half Life. I don't think I've ever heard someone insult the game in any way, actually. In that case, I'm going to have a go.

I'd better mention at this point that I'm currently playing Half Life 2 as it came bundled with the Orange Box, along with Portal, which was a lovely hour's distraction, Team Fortress 2, which has given me yet another thing to scream at like a two year old, and Half Life 2 Episodes 1 and 2, which I've never been too sure about? Okay Valve, what the hell are you playing at? If you are going to milk a cash cow, you slap a 3 and 4 on the end and sell it for fifty quid and then make the community wait years for a number five. Then again, I haven't played a complete game, so my opinion is both uneducated and incomplete. Ah, screw it, I'm gonna make opinions anyway!

From what I could garner as I woke up on a train after having had a nightmare about a square-headed man with some form of skin ailment, my name was Gordon Freeman, my mouth had apparently been glued shit and I was important for some as-yet unexplained reason. I say 'as yet' because I got tired of spending a good hour driving a hovercraft...thing and I haven't reached my supposed friends. To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure why I'm fighting. I understand the entire 'we're evil aliens' thing, but on the whole they just seem to be very Nazi-like, with the occasional human being consumption on the side rather than the extermination motif the Covenant have going on.

I'm guessing that the only reason Gordon is going along with all of this is either out of pure shock and horror due to all the crazy shit that has gone on, or that he has actually lost his mind, blindly agreeing to what others say, not saying a single recognisable word, becoming a cold-blooded killer of hundreds. On that note, isn't he a Nuclear Physicist? A crowbar I can understand, but how does one learn to fully operate guns from the moment you see them. I could be missing out something here, but perhaps I'm looking into this too deeply, probably due to the fact that at the time of writing it's almost 4am. He can absorb spare ammo by standing on it as well.

Please ignore the previous comment labelling it as 4am. It is now 2.40pm, several days after. That's what I quite like about this. You can say "fuck it!" and leave at any time, only to go back when you please. That's all for now.

Deds to TBE Ninja Tiger, for making me realise that the best way to beat an asshole is to ignore him.

My Quote of the Day:

"It's magic, I ain't gotta explain shit!"
-Twilight Sparkle

Sunday, 9 October 2011

My return was foretold by the passing of a comet!

Back. I know that I haven't posted in a while, and that much time has passed since then. I've made several attempts now to make a post, getting bored and giving up halfway through. Third time lucky, I suppose.

Back to video games, my subject of choice. Today, as I wandered through the battlefields of Halo: Reach, praying that be virtual corpse would not be dessicated by the ankles of prepubescent players, it occurred to me that there may be no point in getting some of the 'big releases ' this year. Let's take a tally of the children in the playground, shall we?


-Modern Warfare 3. The loud, hyperactive annoying bastard that you'll end up befriending against your will because he has an infinite supply of gum. In other words, it's like if Hollywood decided to make a game. I actually enjoyed the story of Call of Duty 4, but MW2 decided it would follow the example of most other non-WW2 FPS games with the whole 'OMG RUSSIA INVADES AMERICA!!!!ONE!!! KILL TEH DIRTY REDS!'.

Tom Clancy's Cold War wank fantasies aside, while the story might not be terrible, I have a feeling that the online will be the same as the previous one, forcing me to spew my colourful repertoire of murderous metaphors over the mic before rage quitting and going off to build a giant dick in Halo, or something. I will be getting this in the end, partially because of the story, and partially because we are continuing our Machinima series on there. Screw other voice actors, we should just go with the original plan and have me voice everyone!. Ahem.


Gears of War 3-The loud Jock, steroid abusing 'manly' type. I've never been 100% sure where I stand with Gears. I borrowed the first one off a friend, and had a fun weekend playing through it in co-op. The second one was also fun. Good story, reasonably likeable, if sometimes annoying (DOM, GET OVER IT) characters. The online, like Call of Duty's, would also send me into slavering rants, usually about inserting various rusty serrated sharp disease-inflicted items into other players and their nans.

I know that Gears 3 has come out already, I know, but I neglected to get it as it wasn't on my 'buy right away' list. That would be okay though, right? Plenty of my masterful-stabbing instrument friends were going to wait a bit. Nope. Curse you bastards, with your jobs and your disposable income.... Anyway, getting back on track, I played the Beta for this game, twice, on my brother's xbox. It seemed enjoyable, but I have a feeling that the bloody shotguns would send me into the aforementioned frenzy. I have so far avoided spoilers, and must do so until Christmas. Challenge accepted.


-Battlefield 3-The kid who hides behind a fa├žade of superiority, yet is as flawed as any. My view has been shaken, folks. I was reasonably optimistic about this game. Maybe this would be the one FPS other than Halo that I could enjoy, I mean, there were Jets and Tanks and Robots! Maybe all of this cool stuff would keep my angers away from the campaign, which I suspect will be filled with 'Evil Commie Russian Basterds herkderk shoot 'em all god bless america's' that have plagued Call of Duty.

Then came the Beta. I downloaded it straight away of course, whistling a cheery tune while I  waited the customary 7 hours it usually takes my accursed machine. Oh lawd, oh lawd, what was this pile of poop before me? There was a single map, like the Bad Company 2 Beta. but with the outstanding fact that it was very annoying. I played on and off (when the bloody thing would connect me to a game) and after getting my brain blown off while playing as the evil invaders, I found that some guns were only available to certain factions. What bullshittery was this? when I finally changed to the Russian team, I found that using an unscoped sniper rifle netted my quite a few kills. Upon joining my friend's party, I found mister ShivLord and DaggerTearer raging about how my dream gun was noobish and overpowered when used against them while they were playing as the attacking American team. I kept quiet and kept dying. All things considered, Battlefield 3 probably won't be a bad game, I'll just probably be unimpressed, much to the annoyance of my 'Let's order the Limited Edition Exclusive Prestige Pre-Order Bonus Ultra Edition, Plus One' friends. I'm ordering the regular copy, thank you very much. What do  you people think I am, not poor?!


Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary- Ah, Halo, oh game of games, oh epitome of perfection, what wonder dost thou have to offer us this year? Because let's face it, ODST was too short and Reach is beginning to smell a bit off. I am, as I may have implicitly hinted, a big Halo fan, possessing all the games, books, action figures, and various other items. By this point, any reader who isn't McGee, who fell into some dark crevice of the internet while looking at lolcats and found themselves here, would probably be thinking. "Well, lookee here, we've got us one 'o them fanboys!". Deliverance assrape references aside, I don't like the term 'fanboy'. It makes me sound like someone who writes to Bungie everyday, and makes loud 'squee' noises every time I hear the voice of Steve Downes from under his window as I prepare the chloroform and rope. On a completely unrelated note, I recently finished my story, Halo: Last of the Brave. Halo: Last of the Brave details the adventures of a team of SPARTAN-IV's, several decades after Halo 3. Halo: Last of the Brave is brand new, and is yet to receive reviews of any kind. I put a lot of work into Halo: Last of the Brave, you know. (HINT MOTHERFUCKNG HINT).

My creepy fanfic aside, Halo would be the guy who disappears from school in Year 7, only to return mid-way through year 10 with an eyepatch and a bandana (What, you never had someone like that?). After 10 years, 343 industries, made up mainly of ex-bungie employees, have decided to reskin this cash cow and unleash it on Halo's fanbase, most of whom were probably not even conceived by the time the original was released. The graphical updates look impressive to say the least, and I'm looking forward to seeing the big square head of Captain Keyes. They have also added in some terminal things that tell the story of the ring, so they could not be accused of just shoving the same stuff down our throats. I'm honestly looking forward to this game, despite it being a remake. Halo: Last of the Brave, available to read online for free today!

The Elder Scrolls V:Skyrim-The cool, confident guy who doesn't get in your face about it, and is generally loved (Just like yours truly). Oh Elder Scrolls you addicting bastard!. On a completely unrelated note, did you know that Bethsheda entered a legal battle with Notch, the Minecraft creator, over the title of his next game, Scrolls. In response, Notch challenged them to a game of Quake 4 to decide whether or not he kept the name or not. Huh. Anywaaay, Skyrim. Oblivion has to be my second favourite game of all time, just after Fallout 3 in terms of how much I played it. I can honestly say that aside from a few things, like getting trapped in a corner or my came occasionally freezing, I could find no fault with the game. The only reason I don't play it very much any more is because I've done everything. Explored every cavern, town, village (Hackdirt FTW!) and ruin. Now, Skyrim, the big one, must surpass it, or at least equal it somehow.

I know this may sound mad, and it's probably because it is. Skyrim, from what I've seen, is amazing, and I can't  wait to get my talons on it, locking myself in my lair and playing it to death. When I come out, It'll either be in a body bag, or as a man. Or, y'know, for dinner, or to brush me teeth or use the toilet or to get dressed for college and so on. I really don't have too much to say about it, only that I am looking forward to this game more than any other this year.


Well, that's it. No, I'm not saying anything about the new Assassins Creed game, because I'm not even remotely interested in it. In reading this you may have learned something, be it that I'm a bastard, or that I am the true messiah and that you will follow none but me, following my holy footsteps as I tread the path of the divine. Ahem. Well, this blog is for me to rant and rave over video games, and that I shall do. If you don't like it, then I'm not too sure why you are still reading.

I shall dedicate each post to a friend from teh ecksbawks.
-CrazyEyes McGee, for convincing me to start up this Blog-O-Matic.

My Quote of the Day:

"Yes, swooping is bad"
-Alistair, Dragon Age Origins

Saturday, 23 July 2011


In this, the second chapter of my venture into the murky depths of blogging, I shall talk of my favoured type of game, RPG's or Roleplaying games. I'm a big fan of western RPG's, though thus far I have been limited to the console, not counting my early Runescape years. Oh, and I'm not saying a thing about Dungeons and Dragons, I'd like to keep that to my androgynous brother and his strange friends to explore.

The first RPG I really got into was The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I first played it at my birthday party several years ago to give it a try, and I loved it, getting it immediately after (thank you Mr. McGee). Oblivion was one of those games where you could do pretty much anything you felt like doing. My first character was a Khajiit (a cat person), setting off into the world, generally testing things out and getting into trouble. After a week or two, halfway into the questline of the Dark Brotherhood, I accidentally deleted the save. Bugger.

So, after much deliberation, I created what would become my favourite character, and pretty much the basis for many others in future fantasy RPG's, Elgast the Mage. Elgast was a Breton, a group of vaguely frenchy, magicky types, and true to his name, was a Mage, or at least until I got stuck on a quest, gave up and decided to kill a bunch of people, ascending the ranks of the Fighters Guild, Dark Brotherhood, the Arena, and actually completing the main storyline while I was at it. Eventually this serial killer returned, completed what he was destined to do, and then had a crack at that bastard Thieves Guild, that to this very day he has never gotten through, due to a now-unfixable glitch that resulted in not only a controller-shaped dent in the wall, but the Hood of the game's Master Thief being stolen.

Well, I think that maybe that is enough about my Oblivion characters, and onto some cool things about other RPG's. I don't play Oblivion any more really. Elgast killed them. He killed everyone in the game. : (

Fallout is another experience from those lovely people at Bethsheda that I enjoy. One thing I really love about RPG's is the power to choose. In Oblivion, it didn't matter whether you were good or evil, you had to do the 'right thing' and help Martin become the next ruler. Well, it doesn't exactly go as planned, but the good guys still win. In Fallout, however, no one can be considered 'good' or 'evil', with a few exceptions. In Fallout 3, you are faced with the water purifier that will bring life to the wasteland. Cue the Enclave, who are made out, as usual, to be evil, and their president, who wants you to poison the water, only allowing 'pure humans' to live.

Now, I didn't do that. Why? Because it was evil. Stupidly evil. There wasn't even any kind of good behind it. I didn't want to die! It just seemed to be a dick thing to do, anyway. Afterwards, in the Broken Steel Add-On, I was given the option of unleashing an Orbital Bombardment on the base of the people I had been fighting alongside, 4 teh evu1z, or blasting the base of the Enclave, who hated me, and were pretty much fucked anyway. Oh, and there was also that 'town-nuking business'. I blew it up on one character, but there didn't seem to be any reasoning behind it other than: "One English Stereotype thought it was an eyesore and decided to send Lucien Lachance/Mr. Burke to deal with it'.

Well, It's almost 1am, and I'm tired. So in my next post I shall discuss choice in video games.

My Quote of the day:

Ignatio Riveras: Are you a maker or war, or of peace?
Courier (1 Intelligence): Pizza
Ignation Riveras: That's reassuring, although many who've made that claim over the years have had less than purer intentions.
Me: What?

Thursday, 21 July 2011

In the beginning, there were words...

Greetings to all who may have wandered into this strange place. My name is Brodie. In some social circles, a 'Lord' is put in beforehand, or a '-001' afterwards. Here, I think that Brodie will suffice.

I have always enjoyed writing various things, be it my amazing 9-page story I wrote when I was 10, or my equally amazing 4 page story I wrote when I was 15 (It had a dog in it, I got an A for that), or even my very very long piece of Halo Fanfiction, still in progress since this February, writing has been something I felt I was always reasonably good at. That and video games.

Ah yes, video games. It was in fact gaming that would give me inspiration for such stories. My story at 10? Based off of RuneScape, the addiction me and my friends all succumbed to in Junior School. The amazing adventures of me, Chick777888, along with my trusty friends Berty46 and SEngland9 would be what made me create that odd work of fantasy, that would almost certainly end up in some kind of legal case if I ever tried to get it published.

My second 'epic' was based mainly off of one of my favourite films, 28 Days  Later, with some Fallout 3 added in there. I'm actually quite proud of my work, methinks that there would be no such legal case, I had disguised it reasonably well; it could pass off for original work. Probably. Oh, and you need no guesses about the inspiration for my Halo work.

By now, those who may be still be reading this, somehow not distracted by better blogs, youtube, and seedy websites may be thinking. "Wait a minute, this guy is just gonna be talking about video games! I don't wanna know about his K/D ratio on Call of Duty, he's probably some fat crackhead pale psychotic recluse with no friends!" To that, I answer that I am neither fat, nor a crackhead, nor an absolute recluse. Many people can find video games a boring thing for mindless zombies and annoying kids, something EVIL.

Well, I am inclined to disagree. I play video games a lot when I'm not out, and I haven't decided to walk into school with an AK-47 (with ACOG Sight and Blue Tiger camo, obviously), and go on a killing spree. They are, in my opinion, a way of enjoyment. And anyway, I left school nearly 2 months ago, I've missed my window of oppurtunity.

I think I shall end this up with my video game quote of the day:

"Some people call them Demons, I call them bitches!"
-Bourbon, Metro 2033 (RIP)